Women and Desire

Women thinking about sexual wellness illustration

Desire is complex and elusive for many women, as many are taught that their value is in being the object of someone else's desire. The journey to identifying and owning one's own desire is risky, and rewarding.

Emily Nagoski explores this topic in her article for The New York Times titled “Nothing Is Wrong With Your Sex Drive.” In it, she responds to a new drug intended to treat low sexual desire in women. She argues that there is no disease to be treated, and explains why that line of thought can be so detrimental for human, especially female, sexuality.

An excerpt from her article reads:

Researchers have begun to understand that sexual response is not the linear mechanism they once thought it was. The previous model, originating in the late ’70s, described a lack of ‘sexual fantasies and desire for sexual activity.’ It placed sexual desire first, as if it were a hunger, motivating an individual to pursue satisfaction. Desire was conceptualized as emerging more or less ‘spontaneously.’ And some people do feel they experience desire that way. Desire first, then arousal.

But it turns out many people (perhaps especially women) often experience desire as responsive, emerging in response to, rather than in anticipation of, erotic stimulation. Arousal first, then desire.

Both desire styles are normal and healthy. Neither is associated with pain or any disorder of arousal or orgasm.
— Emily Nagoski, "Nothing Is Wrong With Your Sex Drive," The New York Times

This opens up a huge opportunity for the discussion of sexual desire and how it impacts our mental health and the intimate relationships we choose to have. Our mission at VaVaVooom is to encourage ALL individuals to live fully & imaginatively within the paradox of love, sex & desire. In a fast-paced world, we promote self-acceptance, lingering touch and caring communication. Sexual Health & Wellness is to be beautifully embraced, and we encourage the curiosity and exploration that keeps curiosity & interest alive. 

For the full article by Emily Nagoski in The New York Times, click through below.